Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sleepless in Syracuse

Like my title, I can't sleep. I don't sleep much these days anyway. This is my first post of the new year. This time last year I was pregnant. I can't even believe that. It doesn't even seem possible. I know nobody reads this so I can be as open as I want to be. I don't sleep much at all because I miss my mommy. I am a grown woman, who is married with a son, and I miss my MOMMY. It sounds so stupid to actually put into words. I have lived half way across the country from her for a little over a month now, and I still miss her every single day.
This past year has been pretty hard. I have delt with some stuff that I never imagined I would have to go through. Watching my son fight for his life when he was 1 day old, watching the power of God heal him every single day, hearing him cry for the first time when they took him off his ventilator, finding comfort in the respitory theorpist who stood to the doctor when he wanted to do something she didnt agree with (turns out she was right), feeling lost and helpless, going to work 1 week after having a baby, leaving him all alone in the NICU, bringing him home, watching him smile every day, seeing him roll over, kissing his little cheeks, being peed and pooped on, not careing that he threw up in my mouth. Moving away from everything that I have ever known.
Major major stuff....
My new years resolution: Well I don't think I have one. I would like to loose a few pounds, but I'm working out every single day so I know that won't be a problem. I guess it would be to see Dexter grow up to be a big 1 year old boy, and for him to start walking and talking.
He is what keeps me going. I know that if I would have moved up here, and gone striaght into a job somewhere I wouldn't have been able to do it. Shane is my husband and my rock, but when he is at work Dexter is my rock. I love him so much, and he helps me so much. Just with his smile.

Actually one of my resolutions is to start writing again. I had a few goofy short stories written but I want to start writing for real, my novel. I have NO idea what it is going to be about, maybe about what I know, maybe about my life, only 2011 will tell I guess.

....Happy New Year....

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2 comments:

  1. RebeccaJanuary 10, 2011 at 4:43 AM

    Makes me cry. I miss you too. My life is sad without your beautiful smile and laugh. I watched the video of Caden about a hundred times this morning to hear your voice and laugh. I miss you. I am so lonely. I love you so much. And your baby...I have no words to say...maybe I should be a poet so I would know how to express my feelings for him.

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  2. *Melanie*January 19, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    Maybe I should be a poet too. I have been trying to post some more videos of me and Dexter sleding on facebook, but for some reason I can't.
    I loved talking with you tonight, its still not the same though. Sometimes I think "Oh maybe mom will skype" but then I never ask you because it makes it harder having to talk on the stupid site that hardly works, and it makes me miss you WAY more too.

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